glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
