it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
