who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
