so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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