White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
