and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
