I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
