Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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