I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
