Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
