My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
