Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
