This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize