my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
