what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How external is "for external use only"?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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