I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
