whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I want her autograph on my taint
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
