soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
