I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
