Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
