Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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