so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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