i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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