Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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