I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
