So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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