Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
