I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
