sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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