Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize