We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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