PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
