i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
