I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
