Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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