i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
