mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
