Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
