I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize