Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
