I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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