why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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