zippers are such a cool invention
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
