Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
