i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
