Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
