just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize