I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
