can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
