When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
