sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
