Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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