We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
