my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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