I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
