Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
