who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
