dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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