ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
