OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
