Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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