i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
