I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
