And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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