The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
