Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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