life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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