So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
