You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize