There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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