If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
