She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize