I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
