I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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