Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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