Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize