I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need a beard to bite.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
