I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
