see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
