it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
