Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
