in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
