it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
