I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize