I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
