Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
