Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
