If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
