There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
