He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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