There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
