we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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