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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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