Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
