His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
