Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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