wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
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