Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize