dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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