So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
