Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize