Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
