"it" just moved
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
