i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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