She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
