The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
