It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
