I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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