Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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