So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
